I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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