My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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