i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize