fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Terrible idea I love it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
