i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
