sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
