did you get engaged???
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
