all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
