Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
