I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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