Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think i have two assholes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
