theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize