i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
