4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize