Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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