What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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