Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
