Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize