whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
