I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
