and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
