8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
