I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
