I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
