Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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