this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
