I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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