But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
