and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
