my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
