Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
