I will die if light touches me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
