i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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