Apparently you make a good broom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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