dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need help removing her.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
