someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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