You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
