Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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