He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
