dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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