So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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