One girl and one boy is just not enough.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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