cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize