you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
