My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
