Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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