I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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