I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
