Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
