Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
