i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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