dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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