ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
