I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
