so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
