dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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