Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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