I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
