I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
