last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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