i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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