I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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