My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
