I accidentally burped into my bong.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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