he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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