That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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