You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
