i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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