Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
