I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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