I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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