I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
