JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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