I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
