someone get that fucking seahorse.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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